Friday, June 5, 2020

Peony Season

Peony flowers are so ephemeral.  They come and go with the winds of late May.  They are the ‘Oh! Be still my heart’ kind of moments in life when you see them, but prepare yourself to say goodbye to them for another year as soon as you see them bloom.  So, enjoy the moment and be content!

If I could find more space in my garden to plant more peonies, I definitely would. I would look into planting other varieties for more blooms in later seasons.  What a dream!  But my garden is packed to the core and I can only sit down and enjoy all the beauty which surround me... and think, too, that I most let it all go one day... the beauty, the scent, the little eco system I have created here.   

We are not keeping this house after retirement, that’s for sure. I want more light inside, less walls more windows more natural nature outside. Less work~ It is strange how our soul changes with time.  Who we are, what we like and what make us happy can fluctuate with time and age, and I want to say too, ‘with health’. 


I am not the same energetic gardener I used to be just a few years ago. In fact, I am not the same energetic anything anymore.  And it has to do, I guess, with despondency and loneliness and age. 

And it has to do too with me having a regular job again and the long hours at the office, and who’d want to work in the garden after a long day of sitting down and being tired?  

Certainly, our long winters and long days of inactivity have done something to my spirit, not to mention to these old bones of mines, and I am not the same I used to be anymore.  I have lost some of my zest for life, and sometimes I have to wonder why did we ever came back here?  And why is our human heart so hard to understand, I just don’t know. 

I used to miss my girls so much when we were living in the south, and when my husband was called to come back from his old job to a higher position, we didn’t even had to think about it... we wanted to come back to our girls, and I would never regret that, but aside from being close to them again, nothing hold us here, and I miss our little white cottage and the happy days we lived there... and I wonder everyday if we made the right decision of coming back.  I guess that love is the ultimate ruler, and love is what keeps us alive.  So we are OK... know this, my heart, we’ll be find.




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