Life

Sometimes I feel as if the days of my life are coming to an end—like some sappy soap-opera I don’t want to be part of, but I am.  Is that what ‘depression’ feels like?

Depression isn’t a straightforward explaining of one’s feelings... it is more like the weather, I think.  And around here, in this little house which is my heart, it’s been pretty stormy... it’s been raining and it’s been windy and cold and hot and humid, I perspire profusely, and cannot write. 

Oh, I wish I could talk to Merlin... I’m sure this is what he would say to me:

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”

...but what have I been learning?  I only wish I knew.  All I could think of is that one day... maybe, maybe I could look back and see that all along this awful time I was blooming... like what the flowering trees in my garden have been doing.

or like my winter geraniums...

...or the faithful tulips

Or like the brainless-man flowerpot in my garden, who even without soil in his brainless brain, knew how to grow flowers in it.

A woman from a neighboring subdivision who had been making masks for her church, friends and family put an announcement the other day on our “Next Door Neighbor” App, saying that she was making masks for neighbors who might wanted them... for free!

So, one morning this past week I drove to her house and went to get my masks.  She had them ready for me outside her door. They are so well done, and so fashionable... they are double sided with two different types of fabrics on each side, and they are breathable, and comfortable to wear too.  And what a nice thing to do for others... I wish I could do something for others in times like these, but I just can’t think of what.

I’ve been working hard and continue on working hard in the garden.  I have pulled out so many wild violets from the flowerbeds I have come to think it’s only been a dream, and still find myself working on this unending task every time I walk out here... 

Yesterday, we brought in about 20 bags of topsoil; dark and crumbly, and spread them throughout the garden's floors.  Soil amendment is an important process for good plant health. Doing this increases aeration, beneficial microbes, nutrient content, water retention, and more. Plus, how beautiful the garden looks right after doing this!

It is always such a great satisfaction to finally been able to sit down and see how manicured and orderly the garden looks and feels after the long winter.

I love the feel and scent of soil... good soil, and walking in the garden now is like walking on my own type of a beach and feeling under my feet my own type of a sand.